January 31, 2006
Oh, right. I forgot to tell all my adoring fans what happen when myself and the Samoan Collection Agency busted up the idiot methfreak's crib.
Well, we went and got amped on some liquid caffeine and then we went over to the idiot methfreak's crib and busted it all the fuck up. Little Miss Do's iPod was still there. What a miracle. I knew she would think it was dirty and wouldn't want it back so I told Utu he could have it. She's got a decent playlist on it. Half decent. He'll have to dump all that Go-go's shit.
So that was that. Lots o' fun.
Speaking of lots o' fun, I'm getting messages from my parents again. I don't know why. I kind of wanted to change my number, but it's too fun fucking with their heads with the outgoing message. Plus, I like to know what's up with my enemy. It makes me feel like I have the advantage somehow. They're fucked. Always were, always will be. I'm the fucking product of two totally fucked people. What the fuck. It's my lot in life, but I'm pretty much beyond it now. I just can't be bothered to give a shit about what they think or what they want. Just trying to stay off their radar.
My wife and I are doing well, I think. We might actually start living together. That would be a leap of faith. Except that I don't have any faith. Maybe I should look into that.
The Shadow knows 11:30 PM
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January 30, 2006
So I'm sitting in The Library earlier with Mr. Steve and my wife and Little Miss Do. We were having a time and it was all cool until some motherfucking bigmouth started in about Greg Ginn and Mr. Steve had to go kick his ass. It was comical. I very much enjoyed watching the ass-kicking for once instead of throwing in.
It's cool for people to have opinions. I actually prefer people who do. Even the ones who don't agree with me. Shit, I actually appreciate the opinionated fucks who don't agree with me because hardly anyone does and it forces me to crystallize my point of view. Which is always right, but people don't have to agree with me if they don't want to. I don't give a shit.
But when bigmouth jackass motherfuckers talk so much shit so loud that I can't sit down with my tribe and enjoy the only calm moment I've had all fucking day without their asinine opinions invading my space, it's ass-kicking time.
This stupid motherfucker was in there with his chick and he was trying to impress her with his vast knowledge of the Long Beach punk scene. He got on the subject of Greg Ginn's recent decision to kick the catalog loose. It'll be iPod punk heaven. I can't fucking wait. What's the problem? I don't know. This jackass was talking all kinds of shit on Ginn, calling him a bongsucker and shit. We rolled our eyes and let it slide. Then we could still hear him getting louder all about what a fucking loser Ginn is and how without Morris and Rollins there would be no Flag and more crazy fucking shit like that. We changed tables, which is not an easy thing to do at The Library. But the stupid idiot wasn't done talking shit yet.
We overheard him saying that Greg Ginn was "the biggest poseur in punk" and that "he couldn't play for shit if his pot depended on it" and that he was just a washed up loser. That's when Mr. Steve got up and went over there to talk to the idiot. He told the stupid motherfucker that he was a stupid motherfucker and then he asked his chick if she'd like to go out sometime. The asshole went crazy and chested Mr. Steve. They started getting into it, but The Library is not Fern's. A huge butch bitch pulled 'em apart and kicked it outside. The bigmouth and his chick took off running, but then they screamed at us from across the street accusing Mr. Steve of sucking Ginn's dick for busfare. Nice.
Ginn will never have the devoted fan base of Rollins or Morris, but it's just fucking wrong to say the man is a poseur. Who started SST? Who had the brains to actually fucking tour? Who is the only standing member of Black Flag from start to finish? Who fucking wrote the shit? Come on. Give the man his respect. If you don't like him, fine. If you've even met him, which for goddam sure that stupid motherfucker hasn't. What a fucking shit talker.
Greg Ginn is responsible for a fucking shitload of very excellent music not only getting heard, but getting recorded, and preserved. Fuck that motherfucker for calling him a sellout. He'll probably be the first jackoff to download the shit for free off Limewire. I'd like to see that pigfucker produce anything one millionth of par.
I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with the SST catalog popping iTunes. Who gives two black shits? What's the fucking downside? I can't stand these stupid elitist motherfuckers who snob off iTunes. I'm not saying everybody has to jump on the wagon, but how can you knock someone who does? Why shouldn't someone get paid top dollar for their shit? How does that make them a sellout? You're telling me Mike Watt doesn't deserve bank? He's one of the hardest working motherfuckers on the planet. You're telling me all those rockers should just suck it the fuck up and bite the pillow for the purity of their music instead of getting paid what they should have got in the first fucking place? Fuck that.
I think everyone should get as much as they deserve. Take it all the first time so you don't have to come back for more. I think every one hit wonder should sell it the fuck out. You wonder why your favorite song ends up selling hamburgers? Well, it's because you're addicted to Limewire, you useless fuck.
I hope Ginn and everyone else gets bank from the deal. Anyway, it's probably all that Carey chick's fault because she was talking to him about the fucking building and put all kinds of money making ideas in his head. I'll bet that was it.
The Shadow knows 11:50 PM
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Just so you all know, everyone in the world is still a lying motherfucking sack of putrid shit. But don't worry, kids. I'm on the job and you can sleep tight tonight. I will hunt down the motherfucking lying sacks of dogshit who broke into Miss DoLittle's car and robbed her. The motherfuckers took off with her laptop and her XM and her camera and her iPod. I don't know why the fuck she had all that in the car. Maybe she thinks alarm systems work or something like that. I'm pretty sure I know who did it. Myself and some folks of Samoan heritage are gonna visit a little later on this evening. We don't want Little Miss Do's stuff back. Her daddy'll take care of that end of it. We just can't let the lying motherfucking sacks of horseshit think they can get away with shit like this. Not from us, at least. They can do whatever the fuck they want to themselves, but they better back the fuck off of us. I don't know what I want yet. I think I might just run in there and bust up all their shit. Yeah, I think I'm gonna do that.
The Shadow knows 12:57 AM
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January 19, 2006
I've had a few emails recently from people condemning me for working in porn. I should have saved them to post here, but after replying to them to fuck off I deleted. Anyway, they were all bent because they think porn is the degradation of women and the highway to hell. One of them told me I was going to burn in hell. Another one asked me how I could live with myself?
Boy. Do I feel dirty. Not really, and here's why. I didn't invent porn. It's been around since the Egyptians and the Greeks and the Romans and all those ancient fucks. I didn't invent sex, or the war between the genders, or exploitation. I'm just a webber. I need to make money just like you, and you, and you. I live in Long Beach, but it's freeway close to LA.
Let me explain that for you fucktards out there who don't realize. See, the heartbeat of porn is Chatsworth. From there it sort of flows like a zen water fountain into the valley and downtown LA. This is why LA has such a porn vibe. It really is in the water. It's in the air. It's in everything. All of La and then Southern California but less so permeates with porn. That's why teens are getting tits. That's why almost every diet scam in the universe comes out of LA. That's why the whole celebrity fascination industry comes out of LA. It's all tied into sexual fantasy one way or another. Movies, TV, Celebrity Rags, Porn. All interconnected.
If TV was really concerned about theatre and quality it would be based out of Boston or New York, wouldn't it? What comes out of there? Soap Operas from New York and Public Television from Beantown. Porn comes out of LA because it makes money. You'll never know how much porn tainted cash turns hands in this town. You've got your crews and techs who do porn between "legit" gigs. You've got your plastic surgery docs who got started in porn. Oh, yeah. Believe it. You've got your club promoters and agents and managers and everything else associated with the entertainment industry that crosses the borders into porn and right back over again into being legit. Everyone can cross over, except the chicks.
You've got thousands of chicks who come out to LA because they're gonna be a big star. They think because they were prom queen or the prettiest girl in school that they're gonna be the next big thing. Right. If they even make it out here. If they even get an agent. If they even figure out how to show up at an open call. Then they see that there's hundreds of other girls in this town who look exactly like them. Exactly. And dozens of those girls actually have something called talent. And a few of the ones with talent actually have that other magical thing that makes the folks in charge take a second look. And a tiny fraction of those girls have some luck.
But once you go porn you can never go back. Traci Lords? Right. What has she done lately that John Waters didn't make happen for her? Once they go porn they can never go back. The money's too good. Then they spend it all on toys and drugs when they should spend it on therapy and real estate.
All that money is what makes LA keep ticking along. It's not the blockbusters. It's not TV. It's porn. Porn pays, baby. It pays big. It pays for the drugs, and the parties, and the clothes, and the cars, and the houses, and the independent film you always wanted to make. Porn pays for all of that.
So,yeah. I can see their point. It's exploitation of the chicks. Hey, whatever. I set up the accounts and they pay me. BFD. You want me out? You're gonna stand there and tell me I have to walk away from $25,000 in two weeks because it's so naughty and shameful? Okay. Cool. Tell me where as a webber I can make that kind of money with my eyes closed and one arm tied behind my back? Two jobs a year I do in porn. And if not me, the jackass standing right behind me would do it without blinking twice.
My whole life no one has ever given me a fucking thing. I have total respect for women who have respect for themselves. If you put yourself in a totally fucked up situation, how can you expect me to respect you? If you make yourself pathetic how can you tell me to think better of you? I'll tell you who I respect. I have nothing but respect for Jenna Jameson. She knew what she was doing when she decided to go straight to the top. Yeah, I've heard the story. She got gang-raped and all that shit. That's a nightmare. It shouldn't happen to anybody. But she sure made the best of it, didn't she?
I don't know what people want from me. I'm just a guy. I'm just a webber. But if you come knocking on me, don't think I'll just take it with a smile. If you push me, I'll knock you all the way down and then put something heavy on your ass so you can't get back up.
You know, I think I'll pick up an extra porn job this year. Just so I have a little in the kitty for a rainy day.
Peace out, Motherfuckers.
The Shadow knows 1:51 PM
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January 14, 2006
Just got out of the pokey. Just in time to get my ass in gear for a show in LA. What a fucked up night last night. We went out to Alex's and ended up in the big house. It was totally fucking lame. Because skinheads were involved. We were just hanging out listening to the killer band and these lame ass motherfuckers were talking all kinds of shit to the band and Mr. Steve told them to shut the fuck up and before you know it we were all outside throwing down.
The chicks totally bailed on us. I looked around and they were all gone. We thought they were out front or something and then it was like my wife's car was gone so we knew they'd bailed. Then we went back inside and the ugliest skinhead of the bunch threw a chair at GB and I had to smash a glass in face and some pussy called the cops and we all got hauled in.
Fuck it. I don't give a shit if my assault record is 8 miles long. If some motherfucker begs me for it, I'll deliver. I don't go looking, but I'm not gonna sit like a limp dick in the corner sucking my thumb.
The chicks are pissed at us. Too bad. It'll work itself out. It has to.
The Shadow knows 6:20 PM
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January 11, 2006
Hank's show last night was killer. I never thought Hank would blog. He's caught the bug now. The Crew says there's no reason for them to blog now that he's doing it. I don't really get that, but what the fuck do I care? Maybe I should stop blogging. I don't know if I can. I'm not one of those egofucks who blog to know that everyone is reading my words. I don't really give a shit. I blog because it's a release.
Speaking of releasing, my fucking bitch in law just got served today. She's freaking out. I love it. The judge approved an audit of the fund. I think Dougie the dick and my fucking bitch in law will have a lot to answer for. Good. I hope my wife gets everything coming to her plus extra for the pain and suffering of her whole childhood.
I have two new jobs and a project. The project is maybe a little out of my league but I don't give a shit. If I stayed in my league I'd be in the gutter forever. Fuck it. Here we go!
The Shadow knows 8:25 PM
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January 05, 2006
The big show was a big success. A lot of fucking people came. The doc was a little freaked, but not as much as those fucking assholes who live upstairs from him. That chick was a fucking psycho bitch "And just what exactly is going on in here?" Nunya, bitch. I thought the Shug was gonna have to clean her hubby's birdcage, but it turned out all right. They finally just gave us the stink eye and shut the fuck up. The doc told me they wrote a complaint to the housing people. Too fucking bad, little bitches. Oh, and guess where they're from? NYC of course. That's why they're such little bitches.
So everyone sold and made money. We even ended up selling the drinks and the food. That was supposed to be complimentary, but people kind of assumed so that Carey chick started selling everything for a buck. I hope she made gas dollahs. My wife sold almost 100% of her shit. I'm glad for her. Now she's got legit clients out here so for damn sure she's not going anywhere. I told her I'd take her to NYC or Paris in the Spring. That should make her happy for a while.
What else? Oh, yeah. Happy Fucking New Year. Now everybody fuck off and give me some time to get some shit done. I'm behind it and I don't like it like that.
The Shadow knows 5:51 PM
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