ShagmoorLounge

December 30, 2005

Good thing I don't celebrate Christmas. I had to fly standby to Austin and kick the motherfucking ass of the idiot who was trying to fuck me. Was he surprised to see me. Oh fucking well. It's one thing to tell a guy a bunch of bullshit over the net and to talk a bunch of shit on the phone, but it's a whole other thing when that guy's standing on your porch pounding on your door. I got his chick all freaked out, too. That was just a freebie. First I cut off all his shit so he was blind. Actually, GB did it just as I was getting on the plane. I figured he'd be all about fucked by the time I got there. He was. He shut the fuck right up and paid me like the good little client. Former client. I dumped his ass on some jackass burner I know of in Austin. I threw him all the codes and the template and told him to go figure it out. They deserve each other.

I got a nice present. While I was gone Little Eliza's parents ended up getting ahold of my wife for a night and screwed her head back on about bugging out to NYC. They both went to school there. They told her about the cold. They told her about the bumsicles. They told her about the ice skidding busses. They told her about the third rail and the tunnel dwellers. They told her about the trash barges and the black mold. They told her about the heat and the humidity. Heat's one thing, but humidity is a fucking bitch. They told her about the exploding manhole covers and the terrorist alarms and the train evacuations and the high-rise forests. Just to get her started. Then they told her about the fucking people.

New York is like the flipside of LA. It's too sunny here. It's like sunny almost all the fucking time. New Yorkers can't stand that shit. They love it real. That's why their winters are the harshest and the summers are the hottest. That's why some of the greatest shit in the world comes out of New York. But moving there in the middle of winter with no money is not a good idea when you could just as fucking easily move there in the Spring when you've got shitloads of dough to back you up. She could buy a place and set up her shop proper in some gentrifying hood once this lawyer chick does her shit and gets it all wrapped up.

I like Miss Dolittle's folks. They seem genuine. I better not find out something creepy about them later like that Mr. Do's been messing around or that Mrs Do. is a chick with a dick or anything like that. I'm half expecting it because everything comes off so smelling so minty fresh. I better not find out any wacky shit like that.

The Shadow knows 2:11 AM
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