ShagmoorLounge

August 07, 2005

I am in love with Patty. I want to marry her and have sex with only her for the rest of my pathetic life. I have the greatest chick in the universe.

Douglas the dick ran my records and brought over a complete file on me to my chick. What a dirty motherfucker. He had my arrest record, which is kind of funny when it's narrated by the star himself. He had my credit report, which is even funnier because it doesn't say shit about my real financial picture. He had all my school records which matter for jack shit. I'm surprised he didn't have my medical records or my CIA files about when the aliens abducted me and tried to make me have babies with Zithgar from the Planet Kissmyass in the Fuck You nebula.

Miss Ennui called me and told me to get my fucking ass over there immediately. Normally I would have words with her bossy attitude, but because she mentioned Douglas and the fucking me up my ass thing, I decided to just go.

Douglas was gone when I got there. I saw all the paperwork on the coffee table. We all sat down and we read through it. Then my chick got up and threw it in a big pot and set it on fire. And that was that. What a motherfucker Douglas is. I don't know why he's so freaked out by me. What threat am I to him exactly? Fuck him. He's such a tool.

He thinks he can fuck me by telling her shit about me? What does she not know? Did he really think I would have lied to her about anything? I got nothing to hide. What a fucking coward. She knows all about my sordid past. It's so scandalous. All the times I've been arrested for drunk and disorderly or assault. Who hasn't? My credit report was fucking hilarious. What the fuck does that matter anyway? What a fucking retard. He thinks I'm some kind of dick who fucks around on her or beats her or something classy like that. He thinks I'm like him, probably. She knows everything. If you don't drop your drawers and let your chick see the real you then you'll never know who she's really in love with.

I know. She loves me and Dougie just did me a big favor by proving it. What a dumb motherfucker he is.

She said he came over to warn her about my moral character and tell her that she deserved better and that he was bothered by her choices and apparent lack of stability in decision making. What's Dougie boy up to? Is he trying to have her declared incompetent too? I'll bet he is so then he could probably control her money, too.

What a motherfucker. He's fucking hilarious. Miss Ennui thinks I'm the one who stole his license plates. I wish I had. I hope some ghetto rats are driving a broke down piece of shit and running reds with his plates on right now.

See now I'm gonna have to kick his ass. I won't actually put my foot up his ass, but I'm gonna have to fuck with him. I think I know just how to do it, too.

The Shadow knows 6:02 PM
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