June 30, 2005
So it turns out I broke my da's nose. What a fucker. He started it. Now my mom is all freaking out about all kinds of shit and guess who couldn't give a fuck? I want to love my mom. I don't want to hate the woman who brought me into the world. It's just too hard. She's so fucking weak. All she ever does is snivel and whine and cry. And take my da back no matter what he does. Fuck them both all the way to hell.
What's that mad fucker gonna do? He's gonna have me arrested? He's gonna sue me? Fuck him. What about all the shit he's done? Payback's a bitch.
It'll shake out. I don't know what's gonna happen, but fuck him. He doesn't even know where I live. If I didn't call his ass back he wouldn't even know how to find me.
I have to go to NYC next month. New York in July. That'll be a fucking bitch. I'm gonna look up some people when I get there. It should be juicy. Maybe I'll take my chick. We'll see.
The Shadow knows 6:22 PM
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June 25, 2005
I've been sitting in Portfolio waiting for my chick for over an hour. She's been at breakfast with her mother who is having some kind of nervous fucking breakdown because her latest boyfriend has been fucking some 20 year old hottie.
I've spent the last couple of days working on my monster. I'm going with Bardo out to Riverside to see some robot wars. We'll see what happens. I heard some info on the useless motherfucker who tore up my truck. I'm gonna have to get to the bottom of that. Life seems kind of gentle lately. Like everything's all right in the world. It can't be true. Someone's fucking with me. God maybe? The universe? Who knows. I'll get to the bottom of that, too. I don't believe for one second that things are okay.
I'll find out who's fucking with me and I'll kick some ass.
There's a disgustingly fat ugly fucker in here who cannot stop talking shit to his goth lesbo friend/sister/innocent bystander? how he banged the shit out of some hot stripper he met at a party in WeHo. This mythical stripper was a goddess with big natural tits that somehow defy gravity. She supposedly was supermodel thin with legs up to her neck and no cellulite or scars anywhere. She chose him to talk to because he's so interesting. They talked about the Kama Sutra and that made her so hot she dragged him into the bathroom and they fucked like teens on E and then they did it again and again and no one at the party could use the bathroom and everyone was really mad so they went outside and fucked again in the pool. Miraculously his dick stayed massive this whole fantasy time and she didn't get tired or dry but just wanted more dick. More dick, please. Give it to me fatboy. I gotta have your big wood dick in my hot pussy and in my mouth and in my ass and coming all over my tits and my face.
Goth lesbo chick listened patiently to all this crazy fantasy bullshit and then told him she was afraid he was becoming addicted to porn. Then she paid for her coffee and left. After she was outside he said out loud "Oh, I guess we all know why you're a lezzie".
I should kick his ass. I know I'm gonna end up kicking someone's ass today or tomorrow. Just watch. It ain't here yet but it's definitely in the mail.
The Shadow knows 1:02 PM
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June 21, 2005
I'm finally feeling better. I don't think anyone has ever barfed like I have the last week. I missed the toilet a couple of times. It's all because of my fucking mom and dad. The King and The Queen got me again.
I went over there to pick up the last of the shit I have at my mom's and they came home while I was going through their vinyl. It was beautiful. It was a sunshine family moment. There was yelling and screaming and crying (mom) and there was a fistfight (dad and me) because of the crying. There was broken vinyl and the sliding glass door got smashed out of it's frame. What else? I don't know. It was typical sunshine family madness.
So I ended up going from there to this thing at my chick's school and for some fucked up reason I ate the goat meat tamales. I don't know why I did it. I have a fucking death wish or something. God they were so fucking good. And the crazy fucked up thing is that I knew I would get sick off 'em but I didn't give a shit. They were so good and sweet I just didn't fucking care. So that's what I get.
I've been barfing like typhoid Mary since that night almost a week ago. It's been so great. I've gotten nothing done. What's worse is that Miss Ennui has no job and nothing fucking better to do than come over here to clean my place. I don't want to get her in trouble but I had to finally tell Goth to contain his chick.
I hate my parents. I wish they'd just fucking kill each other off and leave me all their money. We broke the Sam Cooke LP's. That really sucks balls. I wish they'd go off to marriage counseling camp and never come back.
My chick is feeling bad about all the barf. She wanted me to go to the hospital and get checked out. It was pointless. She's too sensitive. She curled up next to me and rubbed my back and cried the whole time.
I kind of feel like I deserved to get sick. I know it doesn't make a lot of fucking sense but when I was barfing out my innards I had weird thoughts that this must be what turns on the anorexics and bulimics. There's a releasing feeling when you barf that much. Like you're puking up all your sins. All the sweat and shivering can make you feel clean.
Maybe it was just the dehydration. Some doctor called me from New Zealand. He talked to my chick and told her to take me to the ER. I wouldn't go for it. He told her to get me soups and Gatorade. She bought me otter pops for kids that replace your electrolytes. It's what I've been living on for days.
I have to get off my ass. I have to get back to work. I have to take my chick to Paris.
The Shadow knows 3:04 PM
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June 12, 2005
Got a new truck finally. How hard is it not to get fucked in the ass by a car dealer? You know who was great? The chicks. It was so fucking easy when we brought them along. I swear to God I was ready to rip one salesguy's head off so I could beat the other to death with it.
Here's the shit we had to go through just to buy a truck. Plus, I was paying cash.
Sales Asswipe: Hello, what can I show you gentlemen this evening.
Me: I'm looking to buy a Toyota Tacoma, all black, with moonroof, a/c, standard interior and options.
SA: Tacoma? You boys look like Tundra guys to me. Let me show you my selection.
Me: No thanks. I'm looking to buy a Tacoma, all black, with moonroof, a/c, standard interior and options.
SA: Well it sure sounds like you know what you want. You boys look like Xrunner guys to me. Let me show you my selection.
Me: No thanks. I'm looking to buy a Tacoma, all black, with moonroof, a/c, standard interior and options.
The sales asswipe tried to sell me the double cab, the access cab, the extra long bed, pretty much everything except what I fucking asked for. So we finally split with the fucking dumbass chasing us out the door. We went to another dealer and went through the same bullshit until Goth Boy asked for someone who speaks english. Here's how that went:
Goth Boy: Hey, you got anybody here who understands english?
Sales Asswipe: What do you mean?
GB: (speaking really slowly like he was talking to a cretin. Which he was.)
Bring us someone who understands english. We are speaking english. You are not understanding us.
Unpleasant words were exchanged. A heated argument ensued. It escalated into a screaming match the height of which was when Goth Boy stood on Sales Asswipes desk and yelled "The customer is always right! Give the customer what he wants! Do not insult the customer by upselling unwanted upgrades! You have lost the customer! You will not make your quota! You will not get your bonus! You will not get your ass kissed or your dick sucked! You are a failure! You are a car salesman!"
Everyone was kind of stunned. Goth just jumped down from the desk and we walked out. The chicks called and bitched us out for taking so fucking long. We told them we were gonna try one more place. We stopped and ate at the nine virgins. We got to the dealership and the chicks were already there.
They were sitting there with the lady from fleet sales and when we walked in my chick jumps up and says to the lady "This is my boyfriend". The lady comes over to me and says hello, I've heard all about you. We sat down and she says so I hear you need a standard black Tacoma with a moonroof and a/c. I say yes, and I don't want any other shit. She just said no problem and starts looking in her computer. She had one but it was at another dealership and could be there the next day. Goth Boy asked what dealership is was coming from and it was at the first fucking place we went. So we wrote it up and I paid the money and I came back this morning and I got exactly what I asked for, nothing less nothing more.
Next time I buy transport it's gonna be from a chick in fleet sales. I put the alarm and sound systems in this morning. Today I had three guys come over to look at the old truck. They all lowballed me. I thought I priced it fair, but I'm gonna boost the price since everyone's lowballing.
The Shadow knows 2:13 PM
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June 08, 2005
Okay so here's been my most fucked up week ever. Truck got broken into and they smashed my windshield and took a knife to my seats. Gosh, could it have been someone who got his ass kicked by me? Fucking coward. My monster's brain fried. Again. Fucking jackass jobber bounced a payment and totally fucked up all my money so I had to pull the traps. So now he has no way of generating money which means I'll probably never get paid. At least I screwed him, too. My mom is letting my dad come back. They want me to be part of the happy sunshine family. The stupid fucking priest called me. I told him to fuck off. The stupid fucking marriage counselor called me. I told her to fuck off. My dad's stupid fucking AA sponsor called me. I told him to fuck off. My dad's stupid fucking mother called me. I didn't tell her to fuck off. I just didn't answer my phone.
The police came by to talk to Goth Boy while we were at his place. Miss Ennui's nightmare thinks we're all a ring of jewel thieves. Yeah, see Goth is Ocean. I'm Brad Pitt and Miss Ennui is Julia Roberts. We're gonna get the hope diamond and the crown jewels next. Actually, the cops who came by wanted to know more about Miss Ennui's stupid parents more than us. I think they robbed themselves for insurance money. Fuck 'em.
The job I thought was in the bag in Glendale fell all to shit on Saturday. The stupid fucking idiot who hired me got fired. Way to go genius. They want me to come back to submit another proposal but I'm not gonna bite. Fuck 'em. They want to give the "opportunity" to someone deserving. That means they want cheap college boy labor they can work like a slave and kick a buck on. Fuck 'em.
Fuck 'em all. I don't give a flying fuck.
I gotta get a new truck. I'm gonna start parking it in the warehouse.
The Shadow knows 11:27 PM
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