February 17, 2005
Just got sprung from the pokey. Boy, that sure was a lot of fun. I guess you all want to know what happened. Jesus, some people need to get lives.
So I was hanging out with my girl at a birthday party in the Country Club. It was really fucking lame. The place is big and cool and there was a band but it was still lame. There was this asshole there who was talking shit to everyone. He was drunk off his ass and his chick had just dumped him and he was a mess. So I kicked his ass.
That's not exactly how it happened. We were downstairs in the patio courtyard thing or whatever and this fucking moron came out and started talking all kinds of shit about the war in Iraq and how his brother was a soldier and serving his country. He just walks up to my girlfrind and her friend and starts talking all this drunken bullshit to impress them and my girlfriend said "Well, what about you?" And he's like what do you mean? And she points out how his brother is over there but not him. Then he starts in with how she's probably a lesbian or a whore because she's so ugly she can't get a guy and she shouldn't be bitter about it. I was standing with a friend over by the Koi pond watching this whole thing.
So then my chick's friend says he wasn't allowed to go to Iraq because even he's too dumb to be trusted over there. So the drunken idiot gets all charged and starts talking shit to both of them about how they should start a porn site with live cam and make enough money for my girlfriend's plastic surgery.
So the guy I was standing with just watching all this shit go down was that chick's guy. So he and me went upstairs to the balcony off the whatever the fuck room it was. This place had a jaccuzzi and a fireplace and a plasma built into the wall and all kinds of shit. Anyway so went out onto the balcony and we started pissing on the guy's head. Our chicks both screamed and ran off and the guy was like "what the fuck?" So he comes running up the stairs like he's just gonna kick some prime ass and we were just hanging out waiting for him.
Then everyone was in this big room with the balcony wanting to see this idiot kick our shit. He couldn't even talk right he was so pissed and drunk. He's saying how he's gonna feed us our own dicks. Whatever. We started walking out and laughing and then he pushed my friend. He swung around and knocked the fucker out cold.
We left and went down to a bar to see a band. We were there for like an hour and then the fucking idiot showed up. His nose was all fucked up and his lip was puffing out but I've seen worse. I've done worse and I've had worse. So he shows up and he's still talking shit. He walks up behind my chick and starts in with the ugly lesbian shit again.
So I went over and grabbed him by the neck and dragged him to the ground so I could stomp his face in. The bartender threw the towel in my face and started yelling at us to take it outside. So we did. He kept saying when his boys got there we were all dead meat. We dragged his ass outside and left him out there.
About 20 minutes later we hear all this banging on the back door. Two guys opened the door and here comes the moron. He stumbles in and falls on the back table. Barkeep calls the 911.
So the cops show up and start talking around and next thing we know my friend and I are in handcuffs. Figures. Some asshole can't hold his liquor or his tongue and two punks end up in the big house because they defend their chicks. Story is so fucking old they should put music to it.
Fuck it. Turns out my buddy has a lawyer. Who woulda guessed that? It took a few days but now we're out of the cell block and that stupid fucking moron finally told the truth about what happened.
After we kicked his ass he mouthed off to some frat guys. He still wants to sue us for pissing on his head.
I can't wait to see that stupid motherfucker again.
The Shadow knows 12:38 PM
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